i haven’t really said much about the work situation because it’s such a bummer. first they decided on a total non-response, and now they’ve gone way overboard. people who have been working here for a long time are saying they don’t recognize this place. a lot of people are looking for work elsewhere. we have at least one meeting a week on crime or security or whatever. we have to be on constant alert, which is stressful and killing morale. we’re required to do sweeps of the entire building every hour on the hour. i did my first one yesterday with t-sensei and it took a freakin’ hour. it’ll take less time as we have to rely on the instructions/checklist less, but damn. the homeless are all being escorted out into the record-low cold by the campus police every day. (because, you know, it was totally a homeless guy who raped that poor girl. oh wait, it wasn’t.) we’re also instituting a policy of checking people’s i.d.s at the door. this is the stupidest idea of all. we’re going to have to hire people just to do that. and what really pisses me off is that when we needed to replace staff to ease the workload around here, we “didn’t have the funds.” didn’t have them for raises, either. but we suddenly found the money to hire people to stand at the door and piss everyone off? i hate this place now. the administration is a fucking joke.

the only good thing about this job anymore are some of my coworkers. and a lot of them are looking to leave. i’ll be gone in six months, so i’m not really looking for anything. and i can’t blame them for wanting to leave, but it sucks. selfishly, i’m hoping mi-kun puts off leaving for a while, since i finally found someone to game with. i stayed a while after work yesterday and he gave me some advice about my deck. he’s going to try to fix it when he has time.

anyway, i just keep reminding myself that it won’t be long before i’m back home. i’ll have to start the job hunt all over again, of course, and the job i get will likely become something i hate before the first year is up. but i’ll just take it one day at a time.

i realized yesterday that i never have any time to myself to just think anymore. i’m glad that my work schedule is such that i can spend as much time with sohei as possible, but it leaves me with very little “me time.” i figured this out yesterday, when i was taking my lunch in the subbasement - as usual - and was only interrupted once. (i usually get interrupted a lot more than that.) i enjoyed the unexpected solitude so much, i stayed there another hour, until i had to go upstairs for my desk shift. this gave me some time to work out some things that have been kind of weighing on me, and even some things that hadn’t particularly occurred to me.

for one thing, i realized that something that bothers me in life, in general, is my ineffectualness. i want to do things like join the peace corps or be one of those greenpeace whaleboat people. but a) i’m so sick all the time i can barely make it through a day of my desk job and b) i’m married and want to start a family, etc. reason a is really enough in and of itself. even if i didn’t have a husband or whatever, i can’t do things like trek through potentially dangerous places or spend time at sea fighting whalers. stupid as it sounds, this is a big source of disappointment in my life. i think this is one of the reasons i want to move to new places all the time and have adventures. (i also realized a lot of it has to do with my dad, but i’ll get to that at another time.)

there was more, and i was tempted to blog about it yesterday while still epiphany-high, but i didn’t have time. so the moment’s kind of gone…

(hey, why not? )

your
wilting
flower
lily
white
you provide
shade
and
poison
while trying to
protect

i went to a friend’s show last night and it was awesome. the first band pretty much sucked, and the second one was okay. but the third one, american devils, was awesome. my friend’s band, stronghold, was on last. they were hardcore. and damn, but he could play guitar. i got to meet his girlfriend, too, and she was really sweet. i’m getting old, though, because by 1 am, i was beat. but we stayed until the show was over, and got home after 2:00. it was pretty fun, and i might go next time he plays. especially since no one else from work showed up. jerks.

uhhhhhhhhh. so. restless. want cigarette. want to cuddle. uhngggg.

i love this weather at home. i hate it at work.

this was taken on my way to work this morning. it didn’t actually start pissing down rain until i was forced to wait at the gate to the parking lot, because the moron in front of me just sat there for about five minutes, and i couldn’t reverse because there was someone right behind me. by the time i had to roll the window down to use my gate card, it was pouring. then i had to walk to the building in it. my clothes are soaked, including my shoes, and will be for half the day. i’m pretty sure i could’ve parked and got to the front doors before it started raining, if that fucktard hadn’t just sat there with his thumb up his ass. i’m going to go key his car when it stops raining.

i forgot to mention this the other day, but it’s hilarious, so i have to. on saturday, sohei and i pulled into the driveway after a trip to the grocery store and safety dance came on. and, because the power of the 80’s compelled him, he cranked up the radio and tried to safety dance around our obama yard sign. i was on my way to join him when a) he almost tripped backwards over the sign and b) i stepped in an ant hill. after stealing a quip from frye that the safety dance isn’t actually very safe at all, we fixed the sign and dragged our uncoordinated selves into the house.

yes. we. did.

my president

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